Week 5: EFT For Self Esteem

Feeling bad about yourself results in you limiting your activity.

Last week, you learned how to use EFT when you are feeling hopeless or helpless. This week we focus on another factor that can contribute to you feeling worse about your situation: low self-esteem. It’s difficult to feel good about yourself when you are ill, when activities that used to give you a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment have been curtailed or eliminated from your life, and the roles on which you used to base your identity are now severely limited or have disappeared. A vicious cycle is set in motion: feeling bad about yourself results in you limiting your activity, which in turn worsens your self-image, which leads to doing less, and so on

The lower your self-image, the easier it is to get upset and the more intense become your anger, guilt, resentment, and other emotional responses. When your self-esteem is low, you tend to stay stuck in one place. In truth, your self-image is the centerpiece of your emotional strength. The quality of your life often depends on it. All of this makes it vital to boost your self-esteem. Clearly, self-esteem issues can have an impact on your illness.

News flash: your self-esteem level need not depend on how well or how sick you are, how many or how few symptoms you have at this moment. Low self-esteem comes from the negative emotions that were stored inside you long ago.

Make sure you read the PDF of the next chapter from my book EFT for Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue. You’ll find the link at the bottom of this page, just like for all the other weeks in the Fibroclear course.

Also tap along with the video session below. This was one of the most gut-wrenching sessions I ever offered. My client had been sexually abused as a child by a rageful uncle. Then, when she came out as a lesbian, she was shunned by members of her fundamentalist church.

You’ll also find an audio program on tapping for self-esteem. Record your 0 to 10 numbers before and after tapping along, many people are astonished at how fast they feel better after using EFT’s “borrowing benefits” technique.

This week I also have another surprise bonus audio for you. It’s a session I recorded with a Fibroclear participant named Pam. She says: “I was diagnosed 25 years ago with fibromyalgia, and also have IBS, Reynaud’s, and other diseases. When I’m filling out the forms in the doctor’s office, there isn’t enough space to list all my symptoms.

I’ve tried every medical modality imaginable. At first each new healer thinks they can help. But they finally admit they can’t. I’ve spent enough money to buy a yacht for every doctor in a 50 mile radius. But I still have the pain. It hurts to be touched anywhere. Most of my life I’ve numbed out. I have no self esteem. No confidence.”

Pam had a number of negative core beliefs. They included:

“I’ve done irreparable damage to my body with all the medications I’ve taken.”

“I’m never enough.”

“I’ve ruined my life.”

“I’ve lost most of my life to this pain.”

In the session I worked with Pam on the belief that her body and her life are both so damaged that she can never recover. I asked her, If your body had a message for you, what would it be?

She discovers several childhood events that shaped her view of the world. In one, when she was three years old, she was playing in a sandbox, and someone threw a hard boiled egg at her. She says, “I began to realize the world is not a safe place.” Starting at age 6, she was sexually molested by her step father. Her school teachers knew about the abuse, but no one did anything to stop it.

By the end of the session she has an astonishing breakthrough. She’s laughing, and says, “I’ve found my core. There are a lot of people less fortunate than me. I’m basically happy.”

How EFT Can Raise Your Self-Esteem

One of the key problems encountered in any psychological treatment is the deep subconscious belief of not being deserving, the basis of low self-esteem. Some of the most common of these beliefs are: “I don’t deserve happiness,” “I don’t deserve to be healthy,” and “I don’t deserve to be loved.” As long as these beliefs are in place, all the self-help esteem-boosting books in the world are not going to produce lasting change in how you feel about yourself.

Stop the vicious cycle of going from bad to worse

The word “feel” is the clue here. The source of poor self-image is the negative emotions and their attendant beliefs that you carry within you. Fortunately, negative emotions are what EFT was designed to handle. By eliminating the negative emotions and the negative self-talk that goes with them, you can eliminate the cause of your poor self-image and stop the vicious cycle of going from bad to worse. Such “emotional hygiene” is especially important when you have fibromyalgia or CFS. You need the emotional strength of good self-esteem to meet the challenges of chronic illness.

Before we guide you through tapping away whatever is keeping you from holding a positive image of yourself, let’s look at a success story.

Using EFT for Self-Esteem

Think back over the last week or two and recall when you had a negative thought about yourself. You may be able to remember many. When we tune in to what we are thinking about ourselves, most of us are shocked to discover how often it is negative. Don’t be discouraged. As you tap on your negative thoughts, your negative self-talk will actually decrease! Pick the thought that had the most emotional intensity connected to it. For example, you might have said to yourself, “I’m no good at anything” or “I’m not a good daughter” “I deserve to be punished with this illness.”

As you contemplate your negative thought, remember an event in your life, preferably in your childhood, associated with that thought. Perhaps you and your sister both got bicycles for Christmas, and that same day, she learned to ride easily and quickly, while you fell several times, and became discouraged. That specific event is one of the experiences that gave rise to your belief that “I’m no good at anything.”

What was your memory? Write it down on a piece of paper.

Before you start tapping, take a moment to assess your feelings as you remember this event. Use the 0 to 10 Subjective Units of Discomfort (SUD) 0 = no discomfort and 10 = extreme discomfort SUD scale. How strong is your emotional reaction to the memory right now? Give it a number, and write down that number.

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 or 10

Also, identify a place in your body where you feel that emotion most strongly. It might be your forehead, your shoulders, or your heart. Write down the location in your body of this strong emotion.

So far, so good! Here’s your Setup Statement:

“Even though (name the memory you wrote down), I deeply and completely accept myself.”

Say this three times while tapping on the Karate Chop point on the side of your hand.

Now look at the illustration showing EFT’s 12 acupoints, and tap lightly 7 to 10 times with two fingertips on each point. While tapping, focus on the problem you wrote down.

The EB. SE. IE. UN, and Ch Points

The Collarbone (CB) Points

A Second Helping of EFT

Now let’s do EFT again, but with a slightly different Setup Statement. Most people experience a reduction in the intensity of the problem, so we’ll modify the Setup Statement accordingly.

“Even though I still have some strong feelings about (name the memory you wrote down), I deeply and completely accept myself.”

Say this three times while tapping on the side of your hand.

Now tap lightly 7 to 10 times with two fingertips on each point. While tapping, stay focused on your problem.

If you’re at a low number for your original incident, move on to another one. Perhaps you’re at a 1 around the bicycle incident. Pick another with a similar emotional signature.

A Final Round of EFT

You might still have some remaining – (Subjective Units of Discomfort (SUD)
0 = no discomfort and 10 = extreme discomfort SUD) intensity, so for good measure, let’s try EFT again.

“Even though I still have some remaining feelings about (the problem you wrote down), I deeply and completely accept myself.”

Say this three times while tapping on the side of your hand.

Now tap lightly 7 to 10 times with two fingertips on each point. While tapping, stay focused on your problem.

Measuring Your Results

Think about the problem again. Using the same scale from 0 to 10, with 0 being no emotional intensity, and 10 being the highest possible, write down the number below that represents your number:

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 or 10

Congratulations! Your level of emotional intensity just went down by (Divide your second number by your first number.
Then multiply your answer x 100.)___ percent.

Tap Away Your Negative Self-Talk Every Day

Each evening, before you go to sleep, recall any negative thoughts or feelings you had about yourself during the day, and tap them away. When you wake up in the morning, tap through the points three or four times before you start your day. This will help balance your energy, and give you more resilience to face the day ahead.